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thundercake

the frogurt is also cursed
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Dear friends,
I'm very sorry I disappeared again. My husband's work has stalled, so I got a straight job at the small grocery store across the street. It's leaving me with very little time and enegery to work. So I've decided to finish up the jobs I have already accepted, and to stop taking online commissions for the time being. 

I'm very sorry about this. It's always been my dream to be successful in illustration, but as I get older, I'm craving a more meaningful relationship with art. Even when I am exhausted I find I can create personal pieces, but working for other people has driven me to the brink of self-loathing. 

So I'm going to be focusing on my own work for a bit, because I feel like I've just lost all my digital mojo. I can't seem to even open Photoshop without a panic attack.

I've been working in a slightly different style inspired by french art deco; large masonite boards, in pencil, ink, watercolor, acrylic and gold leaf (because I inherited a lot of it, and I am a Klimt fanatic). I recently finished my first large painting in years, maybe ten years; it took two months to complete. I find the time by working in short bursts. This is a radical departure from my previous methods, but I've gone into hermit mode again because it is taking up a lot of mental real estate.

I may be going nuts, but this is where I was always meant to go, and I think I've finally started to make some progress. As my husband says, the faces I paint have been haunting me my whole life, and I plan to find out why. Art has become my therapy. I'm compiling a lot of thoughts about this process - a layman's theory of self-psychoanalysis through meditative art - but it may be too out-there to post. I've got to remember, the internet is forever, and a lot of what I've posted in the past embarrasses me today.

When I started on this website I decried "high art" and "fine art" and embraced my own form of "low art." And I still do! I've come to the conclusion that there is no true distinction. Reluctance to delve into fine art was a form of self-defense, a way of avoiding deep criticism, of shirking my responsibility to create a lasting and meaningful body of work. It was a necessary mistake. I was attempting to destroy my own ego. In reality, I was uncovering it piece by piece.

Thank you for your continued patience with me, world. 
- Mx. Ivy Cave
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June Commission Rates
I specialize in original characters! I welcome the challenge of anthro characters, and characters of any age or gender. 


COLOR PENCIL

Color Sketch:
$10

Full Body Color, finished:
$20

(Buy more than one, and I'm happy to ship for free!)

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DIGITAL PAINT

Digital portrait: (300 dpi)
5x5''  - $25
8x8'' - $40

Digital full body: (300 dpi)
5x5'' - $30
8x8'' - $50

DEALS: (digital art only)
- Buy 2, get $5 off
- Buy 3, get $10 off
- Buy 4, get $20 off

To order, please write to chalkitupRVA@gmail.com with the subject line COMMISSION (so I don't miss it!). Please include all information up front - references, size requirements, and your preference of portrait vs full body. I will try to comply with any request within reason. 

NOTES:

-If you have a deadline, please let me know. For anything due within 2 weeks, there is a minor fee. My work timeline is a little bit unpredictable, as I have to be satisfied with the job and sometimes I have to do several versions. If you need something within a certain time period, please just let me know and I'll do my best to make you happy!
-My policy for original character art is to ask for payment up front. If you would like a different kind of illustration, please contact me at chalkitupRVA@gmail.com to discuss the specifics. For larger jobs, usually I ask for a deposit and the rest upon completion.
- I can also do portraits of real people. There is no extra charge, but be aware that I'm not a traditional portrait artist.
- My phone number is 540-223-7816. I respond to texts sent from the US but can't take international texts or calls. If you'd like to discuss something more specific, like a book cover, please feel free to text me and I'll call you back.



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Dear Deviants:

I'd like to know how you manage stress.

I'd also really love to hear some of your personal stories about art block, and how you overcame it (if you have)…Do you struggle with self-doubt or being too critical of your own work?

Also, thoughts on getting an illustration agent?
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Dear Fellow Deviants:


PHONE UPDATE: 
As little as I depend on technology, I still lean quite heavily on my phone. It is almost certainly the cheapest phone available today, and cannot do any of the fun things that phones do these days. But it's my link to the outside world and has all my contacts - although I back them up on paper from time to time, I'm not entirely diligent. Thus my absolute dismay at realizing I have lost it.

I have no idea how this happened and I am fairly certain it is still in the house. However, it is on silent (a byproduct of my visits to the library for internet access) and may be Gone Forever, because my house is alarmingly cluttered. Suffice it to say I didn't realize I'd miss it so much, or be driven to utter distraction by its MIA status. I need to buy a new one, and that will mean a loss of all my contacts and my number.* And I may find it the second I do so (which would be awesome) but until then I am losing business. This is very stressful. *It's a pay-as-you-go phone. 

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I will soon be selling some signed+doodled upon prints, original artwork, and other things on Etsy. The other things are utilitarian+decorative items I have designed based on my personal aesthetic, which has been loosely and accurately described as "whimsical forest nymph on psychedelics". 

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I am spending a lot of time on my commissions trying to find a way to do them quicker. This ironic and inconvenient stalemate is why I have been turning out pieces at a slower rate. I apologize, and urge anyone who needs work by a specific date to let me know in advance. My ultimate goal is to make good work and I will often do several versions of commissions in order to get them perfect. It's not great for my own business, but I don't feel like I am good enough anymore. I am frustrated with my limitations and am involved in a serious process to improve myself. 

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I have been reluctant to discuss my health, and my finances, because I feel like it might impact my future employment. Knowledge of my issues has seemed to affect how I am treated at work, and in either case I get paranoid about it and think it does… I hope to find a full time job soon, and therefore can't be open and honest on dA about what's going on. If I don't find this full time work, I have no hope of changing the way things are and getting the right treatment. But if I don't talk about it, people who have commissioned me (and people who care about me) might be really confused. And if I just hint, like this, I seem like one of those people who post "terrible day" on facebook and respond vaguely, driving their loved ones crazy.

:/

Whatever - the important thing is, I am NOT a sad person. I am not a poor little anything, I am quite fine. Staying positive, finding inspiration, and being alone with the universe. I am not suffering, at all. 

I have become very invested in the lives of others, to the point where my empathic response to news stories manifests physically, to the point where I can't NOT talk to people who talk to me. I want to do something meaningful with my life, and help people. But I know I need to get a steady job first. Whatever is happening to me, it's probably like when people get born again, but it's not religious. It's just internal. I find it weird to talk about. Like you know when people tell you they've spoken to God? And you're not sure what to say? I have no easy explanation for why I am changing, not like that, but I feel like a different person. Possibly a better person, or at least I have a very strong desire to be, for the first time in my life.

I used to be pretty complacent about how I am, but now I am spring cleaning my soul. I dunno why? I just need to be able to sleep soundly at night. I want my checks balanced, in a manner of speaking.
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Hey folks :) Thanks for birthday wishes! In honor of being 28, I did absolutely nothing that day! It was great. 
I did see a Redbox movie - have you guys seen Interstellar? OH MY GOD, haha. I had no idea, I figured it was going to be a typical splodey-space movie like the kind my mom loves (love you mom) - but it just BLEW MY FRIGGIN MIND. We'd just finished 2001ASO (rented from my beloved library) and Interstellar reminded me of that movie, for some reason. Let me just say, some things happen, Matthew McConaughey in space, time is running out, a million years go by, everything is inside itself, nothing has mass, boom, darkness forever, alright alright alright. I haven't said "holy s---t" that many times in a LONG while.

I'm almost done with this batch of work, so I thought I'd ask if anyone would like to get on the commission queue for June. Remember, I specialize in floating women. Got it? Floating women. (But I'll take any kind of work.)

PS....Can I say this now...? I've been working on the cover for the New World SF&F anthology, published by Iron Circus! It's almost complete. Very excited about this job, I got to read some of the stories and they are ~~~fantastic~~~ and I am very honored to be a little part of it :) I will post more about the fundraising for the anthology later. 
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somebody cares!

3 min read
A client sent me a care package. 

I was sitting on the stoop, reading this exact line:

"I remembered my New Orleans days, living on two five-cent candy bars a day for weeks at a time in order to have leisure to write. But starvation, unfortunately, didn't improve art. It only hindered it. A man's soul was rooted in his stomach. A man could write much better after eating a porterhouse steak and drinking a pint of whiskey than he could ever write after eating a nickel candy bar. The myth of the starving artist was a hoax." - Charles Bukowski, Factotum

I mean, I was literally sitting on my stoop, feeling broke and hungry, reading freakin' BUKOWSKI, when this package arrived. 

The package was full of delicious asian food and tea. For the next hour, I sampled everything and cried a bit. I am the recipient of so much kindness and generosity. What did I do to deserve it? Virtual strangers keep reminding me that humanity is good, even when literature is trying to convince me otherwise.

My mood has lifted, my shoulders feel lighter. That care package made me happier than anything has in a while. It's in the name - CARE! Somebody cares. :D 

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Commissions:

I'm taking commissions on a donation basis. If you don't have a deadline and you don't have any specific requirements, you can donate whatever you can afford, and I will do something for you! Send me an email at chalkitupRVA@gmail.com with your information. You can send donations via paypal to 3936molehill@gmail.com. Suggested donation for a character portrait is between $10-20. But I am infinitely flexible. 

My situation is a little rough right now. We aren't on any social services at the moment, and money is tight. I don't have the internet at home, and I've been dealing with some health issues. Hopefully nothing serious, but it has been affecting my ability to get out and about, which is why I haven't been online as much. My husband is working now, but we have a lot of catching up to do, so I'm taking all the jobs I can get! 

Hire Me:

I'm looking for a full time job. I have a resume, a degree, and a complex work history in several fields of design. 
I'm also available for children's parties. Amateur ukulele player.


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